My First Grader Is Back With More Unfiltered Hotel Reviews

A 7-year-old's take on a few of Paris's finest 5-star establishments.

A little over a year ago, I had the crazy idea of organizing a solo press trip to Paris, and bringing along my older daughter E.

Those of you who have been following along here, or simply know me IRL, already know that this cockamamie plan worked out on multiple levels. I managed to get out of the country (and to my favorite place on Earth) at a moment when I desperately needed to escape some personal struggles weighing on me in NYC. I also used the opportunity to report and write stories for some of my favorite fashion outlets - as well as this newsletter, which I had not launched and was just starting to conceptualize.

But the best part of the whole affair was the joy and privilege of traveling internationally with E, who had never ventured further from Brooklyn than five hours upstate to visit my parents. She (naturally, obviously, as my spawn) fell hard and fast for the French capital’s charms: its shopping, its desserts, its trains, and, obviously, the gorgeously opulent hotels that generously hosted us via my professional connections. Post-trip, she served up some sizzling commentary on what she thought worked (and didn’t work) about each.

When we decided to return to the city for round two this past April, E had all manner of established standards in place about what makes a property worth her time. (Mainly: presents in the room, some form of chocolate at breakfast, and over-the-top decoration. Same, girl. Same.) I sort of took these into consideration while planning… but not totally, because as I reminded her almost every day as we chatted through plans on the way to drop-off: “KID, we’re booking these through my work, so we’ll take what we can get!”

with E in Paris this spring

As for what I did manage to reserve? I personally think it was all fantastic. As a travel writer, I appreciated the interesting mix of different vibes from our line-up of accommodations: Mondovi Luxury Suites, a secluded set-up of sleek and modern mini apartments; Padam, a cute and eclectic boutique destination; and Le Meurice, the type of old-school luxury spot that elicits words like “lavish,” “iconic,” and “legendary” in its media coverage. But my version of what makes a hotel special or even just worth considering, is very different from a child’s. So now that E’s both a seasoned Paris traveller and well-versed in the world of international hospitality, I wanted her unfiltered opinions of these places, too.

To wit, I’ve brought my 7-year-old back for round two of Paris hotel reviews, with a few clarifying notes of my own.

Mondovi Luxury Suites

E’s Rating: 9.5/10

PROS

• quiet and secluded

• A+ breakfast delivered each morning

• they gave her a stuffy and chocolate

CONS

• a lack of colors (E said it should be more “springy and flowery.”)

From left: with E our first night before heading to dinner; E relaxes in our giant bed; our breakfast tray.

What was your first impression of Mondovi?

Like it was just basic, everything was just basic. They kept it cool.

What does that even mean?

Like they didn’t make anything too colorful, and used simple colors. It wasn’t too big and poppy or anything like that. [Ed note: I think what she means is the color scheme in Mondovi is soothing creams and rich browns - and that it’s tucked away in a little side street near the Tuileries Gardens. These are things I appreciated about it, too!]

What did you enjoy about it?

I liked that it was just basic, and was just kept small. I didn’t want everything too big. Because then we would just get lost. But I didn’t want it too small.

Do you mean it was very private?

Yeah. And it was just basic and like that.

Okay, got it. [Ed note: I don’t, really, but time to move on.] And what about the breakfast? Remember how they delivered it to us?

It was so good, I loved it. I think I had chocolate cereal, which I dipped in hot chocolate while watching Inside Out. I loved Inside Out by the way, thank you for letting me watch it. Wait: Is that supposed to be in the interview?

You can say whatever you want. So is there anything you think the hotel could do better?

I would make it more colorful. I would make it my favorite colors like sparkly turquoise. Or sparkly neon. Yeah, everything in neon.

Padam

E’s Rating: 7/10

PROS

• more colors than Mondovi

• she loved the traditional French bistro down the street

• the on-site restaurant had a boss chocolate mousse

CONS

• the lobby is “too close to the breakfast buffet,” which she decided she didn’t like our morning there (namely because we were up early, and she had no appetite to start with)

From left: in the lobby of Padam before dinner; E's side of the bed.

What were your first thoughts on Padam? How was it different from Mondovi?

It was bigger and more spread out. And for some reason we didn’t use the coffee machine, can you guess why?

Why?

Because you had it delivered! [Ed note: I did not.]

What? I had it downstairs at breakfast. What did you like about this hotel?

How it was big and they let me sleep on the white couch. [Ed note: This is also not true?!]

But you slept on a bed with me. Do you mean when you laid down while I checked us in?

Yeah. And I feel like it was more sunny [at Padam]. And Mondovi for some reason it felt more dark and chill.

That’s probably because Mondovi was on that narrow little street, remember?

Yeah. And I did not like that part where you made me walk a million miles. [Ed note: I don’t know what this has to do with the hotels, and this is a gross exaggeration because I didn’t let her talk me into calling a car everywhere.]

What do you think Padam did best?

They kept the hallways not busy. And it was colorful, but the colors were like tones. Not black but brownish? [Ed note: I think she means earth tones?]

Le Meurice

E’s Rating: 9.695/10

PROS

• incredible desserts on-site

• over-the-top decor

• they gave her a stuffy

CONS

• the staff is “too helpful” (*EYE ROLL* May we all have this issue at hotels!)

From left: welcome treats left in our suite; our bedroom; E and I right before checking out.

Tell me about Le Meurice.

It was fancy and had all these big chandeliers. It had all these big rooms.

Which was your favorite room?

Um, our room?

Okay. Can you describe it?

Fancy, just fancy. There’s no other word for it except..

Fancy. Okay. Well, what was your favorite part about it?

Comfy.

Alright. And what about the food they brought us after check-in?

Food.

Can you please just talk normally?

Fine. I meant the food was good.

Thank you. What did you like about it?

It was, first of all, it was fancy. Second of all, it was good. And third of all, you kept making the pictures and you were like, “I need to take pictures of this first.” And I was like, “But we don’t need pictures. We need to eat this stuff.” And you were like: ”No.” And I was like: “Yes.”

I let you eat the food. You ate all the cookies. Let’s talk about our suite for a minute: We had a living room, bedroom, closet, and bathroom. What do you think was the best part of our set-up?

It was a comfy bed. So snuggly, and I accidentally took all your pillows.

“Accidentally.” Sure. How about the restaurant [Le Dalí] we ate at that night?

I had pasta. And the best part was the cacao pod we had for dessert. [Ed note: She’s referencing a pastry by Cédric Grolet, which I must say was stupid delicious, maybe my favorite treat of the week.]

with E at Le Dalí

The ceiling was really cool there. What did you think of the decor?

It was like in the book, like a painting and old timey. [Ed note: I don’t know what book she’s talking about.] They kept it calm and cool, but they didn’t keep it basic.

Got it. [Ed note: I really don’t.] To wrap up: What, in your opinion, should the perfect Paris hotel have?

I wouldn’t keep it basic, but I wouldn’t keep it so colorful.

Alright…

And I feel like it should have an art room where there’s just piles of paints and markers and everything. There should be a room where there’s just a swimming pool. And maybe if they [guests] are staying for a week or something, they should have swimming lessons.

That’s cool.

And I could be the swim teacher! And another room would be the gym. I would make it really big. Half of it would be for kids and gymnastics and stuff. The other half would be like punching bags—this and that for grownups.

Yeah?

And another perk would be a photo booth.

What kind of food would you serve at the restaurant?

I would keep it to all my foods, like pasta, and chicken nuggets.

What about for grown-ups? Are they eating pasta and chicken nuggets, too?

No, I would say some salad and egg salad.

Salad and egg salad? This is a sad restaurant.

Actually there would be no menu. You could just choose whatever you wanted.

And the chef would just whip it up for you?

Yeah. I’d be like, “Hello, what do you want?” It would be like mashed potatoes and salad. And then you would make mashed potatoes, and sell it! Next one, they would be like, “Oh, I want chicken and french fries with ketchup and barbecue sauce. And I’d be like, “Oh, yeahhh.”

I think it’s time for bed.